Incomplete
by swallowedminds
Summary: Rated T for language and set after recoil. Castle and Beckett break up and due miscommunication it takes them over a year to find each other.
1. Chapter 1

**Incomplete**

It was cold. It was cold and wet and the last few days have been weighing heavily on both of them.

She felt like her life was over, like her body was being dragged through all the scenery of hell. It was awful, she couldn't possibly take much more. Both her mind and body would fall, give out, burn up, and quit.

The only thing that seems to be holding her together is Castle. Since she knocked on his apartment door he's been with her every step of the way. Through the leads, obstacles, brick walls, and the take downs he's been here.

He's not asking questions which she's kinda happy about and he's not spitting crazy theories. It is a relief that he's taking this so seriously because this is her mothers case they're investigating and to have him make up some silly story just might push her over the edge. But at the same time he's not acting himself. She needs him to be his normal happy self because it'll give her the strength to get through this.

She can tell that he's been trying to cheer her up even if its just through the small things. Bringing her coffee on time, making her laugh even if its just a chuckle.

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><p>He could never imagine leaving her during this terrible time of distress. From previous experiences he knows she'll just close herself up, runaway from him and everything that he fought for will have been for nothing. He can't have that.<p>

So he includes himself but at the same time gives her the space she needs. Anything she wants.

But for some reason it's not enough for her. She leaves him anyway. Something about never being able to put him first when it comes to her mothers case. And what can he possibly say to that?

Okay I understand? No that's unacceptable?

What!

He didn't know and so he let her walk away, run away from him and all that they could've been together. And over the next few months he wonders what he did. What it was exactly that made her feel like he was too much, that made her feel overwhelmed in their relationship. He finds nothing. He thought he did everything right evidently not otherwise his heart wouldn't hurt so much.

It burns, every beat of his heart without her in his life.

He checks in with the boys when he can, doesn't want their friendship to die just because he and Kate aren't together anymore. But he can hear the meekness in their pitiful voices and he wants to throw the phone, break the walks, and scream at the tops of his lungs because he's fine! He doesn't need her in his life. But everyone keeps giving him looks and comfort for his broken heart.

Well he's had broken hearts before it's no big deal. He can handle it.

He wishes the words were true, knows that it's impossible to live without Kate because she was him. His other half that's been ripped from his soul. And what is he going to do? Living an incomplete life?

God, it hurts.

Why? Why did he let her off so easily? He should've fought for her!

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><p>He was all that she needed and she left him. She left him based on lie, a cowards way out and she can't take it back. It's too late. It's been nine months since they broke up and they haven't spoken since.<p>

Why? Why did she leave the only good thing in her life? She was scared and she wanted an excuse to leave. She didn't think she was ready to be with him yet, despite her forcing herself on him that night. That decision spur of the moment in hopes to get her partner back. But now that she sees what her life is like without him, she can barely live. She doesn't want to do anything, nearly fired from the department but she doesn't care.

All she wants is him.

It's rained almost everyday since she left him. Storms, dark clouds, blizzards, any and everything and it makes her reluctant to leave her apartment, makes her want to stay in bed all day and night. Be lazy and pine over him.

She wants him back. But it's too late. And knowing that makes it a thousand times worse, the pain, the depression. She can't live this life without the one person that completes it. Yes, Castle. He completes it and he's all she wants, all she thinks about and it hurts her worse, deeper than the bullet that pierced her heart.

All she does is cry. And she's sick more often now. People are constantly indirectly consoling her and she wants to tell them to just drop it and leave it alone but she doesn't even have the energy for that. What has she done with herself? She's turned into this weak pathetic woman because of a guy.

She wishes she could think like that and just make herself forget him but he isn't just any guy. He's the man she was meant to be with and she's fucked it up. All for being afraid and a coward instead of telling him how she felt. If she would've just talked to him maybe they'd still be together, maybe she wouldn't hurt this much, maybe she wouldn't want to put a fucking bullet in her brain.

Shit.

It hurts more and more everyday. And she constantly asks herself what is she going to do?

She's running out of answers.

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><p>After a eighteen months he sends a letter, telling her off. Telling her everything he feels towards her. His anger, hatred for her cowards way out. And it feels good. To let her know. And at the end he asks her to call him if she still loves him.<p>

That was a week ago.

Maybe he shouldn't have sent it.

After another month he worries that she didn't get it but then he gets a call from Ryan. And he tells him to sit down because he has bad news.

She's in the hospital due to an overdose. And his heart breaks all over again but he wastes no time getting to her.

He runs outside, in the rain, cold and without an umbrella. Catches the first cab he sees and he just needs to see her. Needs to know that she'll be okay that she won't leave him permanently. Because his heart can't take anymore. It's already smashed into tiny fragments and swept up and dumped into the shadows of his chest. This would set off an explosion, turning him into nothing.

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><p>When she wakes she smiles when she sees him then frowns and looks away.<p>

"What're you doing here?"

And it's as if she shot him in the chest. What is he doing here? Is this really what's become of them?

"I needed to know you were okay."

"Of course. It was just an accident." Her voice is bitter, cold, pure hatred leaking from every word. Or is it heartbreak?

"Are you mad at me?" He seethes.

"Yes."

"But you're the one who-" he stops himself, no need for either one to be reminded of that day. "I can't believe you have the nerve."

"Well you told me you hated me so I guess were even."

"I didn't say I hated you. I said I hated what you did."

"What's the difference Castle?" And the way she says his name now. Sharp and with hatred. No love at all.

"I even asked you to call me."

"I didn't get to that part."

"You were too busy trying to kill yourself," he yells at her.

This is how they're spending their first day together? Hatred and biting words. Yelling, fighting instead of kisses and loving each other as deeply as they once did, as he knows they still can.

"I took a sleeping pill then got in the tub to read. I had a glass of wine. Don't flatter yourself."

He didn't mean it like that. Doesn't she know him better than that? "So you didn't finish the letter?"

"No."

And that's all she has to say. Folds her arms and looks away from him. Now what is he supposed to do? He can't force her to talk to him. So he grabs his coat and leaves without looking back.

But he never hears her sobs.

Doesn't hear her beg for him to come back.

He was gone.

It was too late.

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><p><strong>Review and tell me how I did? This is my first time writing fanfic.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

Decided to write a second chapter! It didn't feel right ending it where I did. Enjoy!

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><p><em><strong>Dear Kate,<strong>_

_**The last time I sent one of these you never finished it. But I hope now you'll take the time to read this one.**_

_**I haven't been able to stop thinking of you. I hope you're well given how I last saw you.**_

_**I don't plan on having this be a really long and pointless letter. So I'll get to it.**_

_**I'm still in love with you despite everything that's happened. And if you still have any feelings for me too call please. My number is the same.**_

_**Yours truly,**_

_**Rick**_

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><p>He sent it two weeks ago and has yet to gain any sort of response.<p>

And he doesn't know what hurts worse. That she won't contact him or that she may not love him anymore.

What has he got to live for? Without her he's nothing, a ghost, a nothingness, an invisible presence. He thought she felt the same way about him. Evidently not. Otherwise she'd be here with him now.

That night when she knocked on his door soaking wet, she must've been distraught and had no control over what she was doing. And in the morning she decided she would just go with it. Using him.

Kate Beckett.

She never loved him.

And now he doesn't love her anymore.

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><p><em><strong>Dear Castle,<strong>_

_**I'm sorry it took this long to reply. I only got your letter today. I've recently moved and the letter was bouncing around from person to person until it reached me.**_

_**I hope it's not too late because yes I still have feelings for you.**_

_**I love you and I'm so very sorry for all the pain I've caused. I know now what I did was stupid and cowardly and I would love the chance to make it up to you if you'll have me.**_

_**My new number is listed on the back. I would love it if we could meet.**_

_**Forever yours,**_

_**Kate**_

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><p>He never opened it. It's been three days.<p>

It was too late.

If she cared she would've replied sooner. Not waited two weeks.

But she is a cop. Maybe she was busy?

No no. She would've found the time for him.

But that doesn't stop him from dumpster diving for the missing letter. Going in head first and searching like a maniac.

But he can't find it! Does everyone in America have to use black trash bags?

And he wants to cry! Tears already welling up in his eyes as he sifts through bag after bag trying to find his. And he can't! Can't find his stupid bag with the letter that will either rip him to shreds or heal is broken heart. But he can't find it.

It's gone.

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><p>She cries herself to sleep every night she doesn't hear from him. She wishes she were brave enough to just pick up the phone and call him but what if he really has just given up on her?<p>

What will she do?

She has no answers.

But she picks up the phone anyway and dials the familiar number and presses call.

It seems like forever, waiting to see if he'll answer or not. The ringing an endless melody.

"Hello," he says and it's harsh and cold and doesn't sound like him at all.

She hangs up.

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><p>He kicks and bangs and curses the fucking dumpster because he can't find her letter. And he's interrupted mid kick by his phone.<p>

It's an unknown number and so he yells into it. Not caring who's on the other line, just wanting something to take his pain out on.

But the person never speaks, just hangs up after a second.

Whatever.

He searches through all six dumpsters near his building for the next two hours. He never finds Kate's letter.

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><p>He goes to her apartment the next day. Hoping she'll see him, hoping she'll talk to him. Forgive him. He spends the first ten minutes pacing but he finally knocks. And it feels like eternity until the door opens. And when it does he falls to his knees.<p>

It's not her.

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><p>Lanie and her dad want her to let him go and maybe it's time she listens. It's been over a year and yeah maybe it's time to move on. Date someone new and it wouldn't be a bad idea if she had the ability to like anyone.<p>

Her emotions are shot to shit and only one person could help her. The one who crushed her.

She tries dating though, for the sake of her sanity but everywhere she goes she thinks she sees him, hears him and it's like a stab in the heart every time it's not him. It's never him.

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><p><em><strong>Dear Kate,<strong>_

_**I can't keep living like this. So this is the last letter. The last time I'll try to reach out to you.**_

_**Despite the pain, the agony you've put me through my heart still belongs to you. Call me, write me, email me as soon as you get this if you feel the same.**_

_**Please. End this for me.**_

_**I love you I love you I love you,**_

_**Rick**_

_**PS: even if you don't want to call and tell me that. Otherwise I'll wait for something that'll never happen.**_

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><p>Alexis and his mother watch as he seals it and hands it to the mail man personally.<p>

This is it.

And three days later he gets a call at seven in the morning.

"Hello," he says, groggy.

"Castle?" And it sounds like she's been crying.

"Kate?" He sits up in bed, heart racing, every beat scared it'll be the last one.

"Yeah."

"Hi." It's all he's got and what else would he say? Where've you been?

And she laughs, stuns him.

"Hi."

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><p><strong>Drop me a review and tell me what you think!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Dedicated to purplangel for her awesomeness. **

"Where are you right now?" He asks tossing the blankets back and jumping up to get dressed. No way he's letting another second go by without seeing her. No matter the sting he feels in his chest.

"Home I-I'm not going in today but I'm on call."

"I'm coming. I'll be there in twenty." And he hangs up, unable to steady his voice or hand holding the phone.

She's shaking, trembling violently but at least her voice sounds calm to her ears. But when he says he's coming over her stomach drops to the floor, her heart races, and she gets dizzy. It's been so long since they've seen each other and she's changed. Her hair is shorter, about right above her shoulders, a darker brown than the last time he's seen it. She's also skinnier, lost about twenty pounds over their hiatus. What if he doesn't think she's beautiful anymore?

Kate quickly hops in the shower and changes out of her sweats into something more presentable but not something that makes it look like she's trying to hard.

But this is Castle. He never cared about anything like this. What has she done to them? To herself? To him? She's fucked this up and they'll never be the same as they once were. Happy, in love, and together, heart and soul. They'll never get that back even if they get past this obstacle.

Before he knows it he's knocking on her door to anxious to pace, to impatient to see her again.

The door swings open and their eyes meet for the first time in over a year. It's as if time has stopped and all they can do is stare at one another, stare at their other half, the piece of the puzzle that's been missing from their lives.

And they're both overcome with a warmth, a feeling so deep and conserved they could explode at any moment. Their bodies immediately ready to pick up where they left off, their hearts ready to mold as one. What broke them up seems so unimportant and all that matters is that right now they're together.

Kate speaks first, tells him to come in and sit down if he wants. He walks in, takes in her new apartment and smiles because it's so entirely her it surprises him that she's the same. He expected drastic changes. He doesn't know why.

He doesn't sit. He faces her again and she's biting her lip, a nervous habit he knows. But before he can't tell her to stop, she's throwing her arms around him and burying her face in his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Castle. I'm so sorry," she says and then she's sobbing. He's seen her cry before but never this. Never these heart wrenching sobs that stem straight from her core. "I'm sorry what I did to you. What I did to us."

His arms sling around her back and he nods. "Me too."

They sit and talk through majority of the morning. They talk about how neither has been able to move on from each other.

"Lanie set me up on a date once and I- I couldn't even make it to the restaurant Castle. Everywhere I looked all I saw was you."

When they both explained their communication problems he smiled so brightly Kate felt her heart begin to heal.

He cooks her a big dinner. A thanksgiving style dinner and piles her plate up. He gives her a fork and demands her to "EAT!" But she just smiles and nods.

After dinner they both are completely satisfied and they collapse on the couch together. But Kate breaks first.

She kisses, fully intending it to be a quick chaste, thank you kiss but it quickly escalated into much more. Before either one could stop it.

"Kate," Castle says between kisses. "Kate we can't."

She stops, climbs out of his lap, and sits next to him on the couch. Panting.

"I'm sorry I just-"

"I know. Me too." He stands grabs his jacket and says, "I think I should go."

"Yeah yeah okay." She doesn't want him too. "But, um are we-"

"I don't know yet. I still have some thinking to do." He leaves after a small "bye" and leaves Kate standing there.

But a second later he's opening her door again coming in and kissing her deeply one last time.

"Look Castle I know I broke your trust but I want you to know that I'll do anything to make this right. I love you and I want you more than anything. This past year it was like I couldn't breathe but now with you here I can. And I don't want this to be over."

"I know. But it's gonna take time. This isn't something that can be cured over one dinner."

"No matter how long it takes," she says quickly. Clutching his hand to her chest.

"Good."

The next day at the precinct she finds a coffee cup in her desk with a note written on the side.

"Some things never change. Wanna have dinner tonight?  
>RC<p>

And she smiled.

**Fin**

**Thank you**


End file.
